Christianity has a bad reputation when it comes to what we believe about sex. Non-Christians believe that we see sex as evil, disgusting, sinful, shameful, and definitely not something to take pleasure in. They think we believe that we should be ashamed of our bodies and disgusted by the opposite sex until the wedding vows are complete. They think we believe sex only exists (and should only be preformed) for the expressed purposes of reproduction.
That’s misconstrued, at best.
Who do you think we believe invented the whole idea of sex? Christians very much believe that God created the penis, the clitoris, the sex drive, the attraction, and the orgasm. The whole concept of sex was God’s doing! And trust me, he planned for it to feel good and he planned for you to want it… and want it bad.
Heck, the Bible has an entire book of erotic poetry in it (the Song of Solomon)!
The reason Christians get this bad reputation is the fact that we try to be reserved about it, because we believe that the humans are meant for lifelong monogamy.
Then you look at us and all the problems the lack of monogamy causes (broken families, financial hardship, jealousy, STDs, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, lack of self-worth).
Simple proof that the human way is one of lifelong commitment is how we act with each other. Why is it when we start a relationship with someone, we want to pledge eternal loyalty, that we’ll always be there?
Half of the mushy love songs out there speak of such pledges, and rarely are any of them quoting the Bible, but mostly are speaking from the heart. It’s a human condition, not a Christian one.
It’s just something that comes naturally to us.
And yet, despite our emotional desires, we’ve let the desires of our flesh run our relationships. We’ve let sex become a normal dating thing. Three dates and you get to have sex. Sex has gone from something reserved for the marriage bed to being something you try on the THIRD date. That’s the normal culturally accepted procedure.
And one of the most often spouted excuses for this process is, “Well, we have to know if we’re compatible!” But see, that problem is solved if you wait for marriage. You can’t be incompatible, because you would develop together. If anything, you would be more compatible!
It’s easy to see the benefits of a man and a woman saving themselves for marriage. There is no jealousy of past lovers. You both get to learn things together, neither is more experienced than the other. Neither of you will have contracted any sexually transmitted diseases to deal with all of your life. Neither of you will have a child to support already. There is little chance you are going to get “bored” with this one person, because you’ve never been with anyone else. It just makes sense that this is how it was meant to be, even if God didn’t exist and we evolved… essentially monogamous is how we have always been made.
So, if we can accept that a lifetime commitment is the ideal state of sexual affairs in homo sapiens, then by extension, anything that threatens monogamy is by definition “bad” or unhealthy. This would have to include obvious things like prostitution, pornography, and adultery, as an advertising tool or as a means for power or ego-building or even economic advancement. Anything that serves to tempt or weaken monogamy would have to be shunned.
We aren’t saying sex is evil or disgusting. Those who do so do it out of personal taste or because they feel like they have to say such things to be “righteous,” they misunderstand. They should not be ashamed to discuss sex. They should not pretend it does not exist. That helps nothing.
But there is still danger. God made sex pleasurable because it’s necessary to humans. We should not only think of sex as a monogamous thing, but as a love thing. You should not just have sex as a means to an orgasm, but it should involve everything about you, your emotions, your senses, your very soul should be intertwined, because this act is reserved for those not only in love, but so much in love that they are devoted to their mate for a lifetime.
But if you suggest to a modern person that they should do it any other way then the way they want to, they scream that you’re taking all of the pleasure out of their lives, that you want to return to the Stone Age, that they’re emancipated, modern, enlightened free lovers. These wonderfully enlightened people then judge a female’s being entirely on the size of her breasts, the shade of her tan, the tone of her muscles. Average, but wonderfully made, women are thus shunned and mocked while shallow and mean girls are worshipped based on their perfect chests and hips and hair.
Something’s gone horribly wrong. We can have control without repression. There’s no tease here; God isn’t playing a trick on you and He isn’t trying to keep sex from you. He’s trying to keep sex for you, to get you to use it in the right and most fulfilling way.
Now, I can get lots of people to agree on the first part of this. But if you walk into a group of young men and suggest pornography has the same negative effects, you’ll get only cold stares. If you’re lucky. Pornography, we popularly think, is a sort of outlet, a way to express those desires without hurting anyone. We like it so much, we even call it “art.”
But consider this: You are aroused by a picture of a girl, get excited over the pure physical shape. You’re separating the sex drive from the personality, totally detaching physical desire from the actual female being. The naked girl in the photo doesn’t have opinions or dreams or frustrations or sore muscles or headaches or bitterness or insecurities. She doesn’t talk back, doesn’t ask for love or dedication, doesn’t challenge you. If you train yourself to get aroused only by that, how can you then get turned on by a real girl? The more she acts like a real person (by displaying a personality and ideas and will), the less turned on you’ll be.
As a result you have guys who get aroused by a girl, ask her out only for that reason, and then get frustrated when she “won’t shut up.” These guys demand sex but sulk like children when asked to support the woman emotionally, physically and financially. In the name of feminist progress, we’ve started training modern women to do the same, the feminists were apparently so impressed with males’ unfeeling animal sex drive that they want their own gender to imitate it. We’re going BACKWARDS.
Please do not refute this by stopping to count all the unhappy married men you know. The truth is: a real marriage, done right, is exponentially more pleasurable and satisfying than any bachelor’s bed-hopping.
Again, when it’s done right.
God allows those pleasures, God invented them, God commands them. And yet, so many guys will live their whole lives without them because they won’t be limited by those evil Christians with their torturous morality issues.
The title of this post grabbed you because SEX! is made out to be something naughty, something dirty, something you should feel guilty about.
Well, that’s not true. Sex in it purist form is one of the greatest things in the world, and if we all figured out how to handle it correctly, responsibly, we would all be a lot happier.
Nailed it! Great post!