My name is Derek Jordan and I do, at times, go by the name ‘derk’. Why ‘derk’? … well of course it is because when being introduced to a friend of a friend they heard me pronounce my name as ‘DORK’. I was shy and mumbled when speaking to someone I did not know very well. This then morphed its way into becoming ‘derk’ and I accept the DORK in me, yet I also accept it is not what defines me.
Is the nickname really that deep? No..it is not, I just liked it and stuck with it.
Did what you just tell us really happen? Yes.. it did!
Am I really a question talker? No… so let us move on.
I have and probably will always believe I grew up in a great household. While it may not have been picture perfect it was pretty easy to see how it was great after looking out into the world from the comfort of it. My parents were and are still great. They stuck together no matter what, even when there were times it looked like it did not even make sense to us kids. I believe they taught me much of what it means to stick with something no matter the outward, or even sometimes inward appearance.
My father was in the military so my brothers and I were all born in Montana before we had to move all the way across the nation to Alabama. Somehow he was able to work it out so we stayed in Bama even now (he is retired, but still working the same job through Civilian Personnel)
I did get used to moving even though it was not as much or as grand as others I knew growing up while living on base. The moving and having to get used to others quickly made my brothers and I choose to make friends slowly so if the break happened quick it was not hurtful. We were each others friends more than anything, but there were friends who came and went. One of those was someone who impacted my life in a huge negative fashion. I was sexually molested and in turn taught molestation by this young boy. When I speak of this, I have an easier time saying it more poetically, “He taught me how to sin well in the darkness”. Both of us were under the age of ten so I know his actions were not birthed from him alone. This series of moments started a sexual desire in me which confused my young mind in understanding and as well to know properly how to outlet it.
This disease spread out from me to others until I was ‘found out’ by my mother and she explained to me how wrong it was. This scared me and I began to fight the desires more than I had before. It was a persistent darkness and as I got older I struggled many times at night before falling asleep with the thoughts I might be gay. I feared this more because of social status rather than it being ‘sinful’ and ‘wrong’.
A girl showed some interest in me and I ran at the chance to check for myself where my sexuality would truly be grounded. I found… I very much… liked girls. This mutated my problem though. I just latched onto the desires and sexual fulfillment I gained from this as well as porn. My addiction was just as bad, if not worse at this time.
I did not go to church much, but had a basic understanding of ‘religion’. My biggest problem with Christianity, besides hypocrisy, was something akin to this question, “Why would God choose a people to be His, and then just totally forget about them later?” I hope this conveys to others my gross misunderstanding of Israel’s history.
I ended up going to church on my own because my girlfriend was going and I most certainly did not want her going there and finding some ‘perfect angel’ to take my place in her life. This proved to be a decision I would never regret, as going into the services I did I really began to understand conviction and more importantly there was a freedom I could have.
I could ‘see’ it, I understood it only a tiny bit, but I wanted it… needed it. No matter my earlier issues which kept me from God, the solution to my torment was much more important than the head games of religion. Realizing my lifestyle was the very thing setting me into such a dark and depressed state, I accepted Christ at 16.
When I chose this, I was not completely healed of the mental infections I had incurred over the years, but it would prove to be the very decision which would bring about a full healing. I remember, while making out with my girlfriend at the time, she would make comments about how I was ‘such a good Christian boy’ and all I could think of was, No.. No I am not.. I am not doing this right.. something needs to change!
What I did not know, but of course God did, was our separation was needed. It was very hard for me dealing with this separation. I cannot say if it was because it was my first girlfriend, or if it was because of the underlining spiritual battle taking hold of my life, but both together at this same time … was never going to come out well emotionally for the sensitive teenager I was.
The best part about this story is that there WAS a spiritual battle, and because I had given my life to God, He could finally speak to me more properly. I remember this specific moment, of being so broken over the breakup, weeping and whining at the side of my bed, much like you see in pictures of kids praying so sweetly to God. This was not sweet… it was real.. The tears were in abundance and my anguish was true, but over and over again an image was being projected into my mind’s eye. I could see a Jesus figure standing over me holding out His hand, just waiting for me to stop and reach out to hold onto Him. I have no clue how long it took, but I took His hand instead of staying in such a dejected state.
My hope is all those which are broken and hurting can find the hand of Christ in their lives. He IS reaching out to you and wants to bring you from darkness into light! Truly He wants your darkness to become a source of light for another!
2 Corinthians 4:5-6
New King James Version (NKJV) For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake. For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
If you would like to read some more detailed information about my testimony AFTER salvation please check out this post on my personal blog HERE: http://derkopenedeyes.blogspot.com/2012/02/my-life-and-hope-for-backslid-christian.html
As far as at this moment in time, I work with my wife as Children’s Pastors to a a fairly small (though we are praying for growth) group of kids. I enjoy writing my own curriculum which includes skits, games, magic trick object lessons, and heavy on the Word of God. I enjoy magic tricks and have a Youtube channel I try to share Christ through the art. I am a drafter (my paycheck job so-to-speak), I like technology, ‘drawing’ in many different formats, reading (fantasy, sci fi, Christian living), and video games as well. I am currently working on certification in the Assembly of God, and am enjoying the learning experience. I am married and have three children, a girl and two boys. Family is very important to me and I thank God He has blessed me with ministries they have been able to all be parts of.