The king and his men marched to Jerusalem to attack the Jebusites, who lived there. The Jebusites said to David, “You will not get in here; even the blind and the lame can ward you off.” They thought, “David cannot get in here.” Nevertheless, David captured the fortress of Zion, the City of David.
On that day, David said, “Anyone who conquers the Jebusites will have to use the water shaft to reach those ‘lame and blind’ who are David’s enemies.” That is why they say, “The ‘blind and lame’ will not enter the palace.”
David then took up residence in the fortress and called it the City of David. He built up the area around it, from the supporting terraces inward. And he became more and more powerful, because the LORD God Almighty was with him.
Now Hiram king of Tyre sent messengers to David, along with cedar logs and carpenters and stonemasons, and they built a palace for David. And David knew that the LORD had established him as king over Israel and had exalted his kingdom for the sake of his people Israel.
After he left Hebron, David took more concubines and wives in Jerusalem, and more sons and daughters were born to him.
-2 Samuel 5:6-13 NIV
This is the first instance in Scripture where we see David’s sexual addiction take root. David captures the fortress of Zion and God sets him up as King over all of Israel. So, what is the first thing he does? He breaks one of the three rules God gave to Kings.
He collects more concubines and wives, sleeps with them all, and has more children. And little does he know that this is just one more step towards hitting rock bottom.
Where did your habit take root? Was it when you found your older brother’s stash of Playboy’s? Did you watch a friend’s sister undress? Were you sexually abused? Did you do a Google search and stumble on a website? There are many different scenarios that could have been the starting point, some that are typical, some that are heartbreaking, but the vast majority of men started their sexual life with a skewed idea of what sex was. But beyond that, we got the wrong idea about sexual intimacy, also.
ALWAYS THERE, ALWAYS SMILING
When your first sexual experience is pornography, everything you learn is wrong. First, it teaches you that woman not only have to look perfect, but that they love being objectified. You learn sex is nothing more than a recreational activity, a desire that should always be given in to. And it teaches you that women are always smiling, available, and excited about pleasing you sexually at a moment’s notice.
So, whether or not you actually believe that, that is what you subconscious mind expects, and when it doesn’t turn out that way, you become disheartened. So, if you have used pornography and masturbation as your sexual outlet, and are rejected by your spouse one night, you are more likely to go back to your pornography the first chance you get, because those women will always be there for you, when you wife isn’t.
Despite it being against God’s rules, a king having several wives and concubines was a common thing in those days. It was to the point that no one really gave it a second thought for the king to have so many women in his life.
I believe this was the modern day version of pornography. If one woman wasn’t in the mood that night, then just keep walking down the line until you find one who is. These relationships were not based on love (well, at least most of them), but instead, they were based on pure sexual satisfaction. Whenever David wanted it, he would have it.
The kings, including David, probably justified it by saying “Well, they are my wives! I’m doing things correctly under God’s law!” But that was never God’s plan. He clearly said that marriage was supposed to be between one man and one woman as far back as Genesis. God didn’t make Adam and Eve and Janet and Monica and Chelsea and Holly and Amanda and Brittany and Tina and Judith and… I mean, he wouldn’t have had any ribs left!
A similar mentality still exists today. The phrase is pushed around by adults all the time, because we are afraid of making young boys feel ashamed of masturbating to pornography: “Everybody does it.” So, over time the shame dies down and the solidarity begins. “We all do it. Because we all do it, it must be okay.”
This continues into adult life, where men convince their girlfriends that them looking at pornography is just “guys being guys.” It’s largely seen as not only perfectly acceptable, but mainstream. Gone are the days of hiding your pornography under the mattress. Now, college guys display their Girls Gone Wild DVDs with their other, less naked movies. “We all do it. Because we all do it, it must be okay.”
What makes things worse is that we hold our relationship with porn above our relationship with actual women. So what if your girlfriend leaves you? Sure, you might be in pain, but pornography can make you forget all about her.
It is this stage of the addiction where you start down the path that will eventually lead you to rock bottom. Where is rock bottom? I’ll admit, some rock bottoms are worse than others, but everyone can reach theirs’ and do something unthinkable. Anything that you can imagine, you are capable of.
So, we have followed in David’s footsteps thus far, where we decided to be comfortable with our porn habits. We think that we are in control, that we don’t have a problem, that this is just an activity we enjoy and that we can quit anytime.
Well, let’s see if it’s that easy.
More to come.
Matthew Coker is a Media Director at a church in his hometown, where he also is a leader at a Celebrate Recovery program. He’s a huge comic book nerd, Whovian, and Funko Pop Collector. Matthew and his wife live in New Mexico.